Motherhood: It Could Be Hazardous to Your Health

All the way to the doctor’s office, I was fearing what he would tell me since I haven’t  been feeling like myself lately.  “It’s worse than brain fog or cooties,” he told me after administering some tests.

He said I have developed a number of troubling conditions.  They stem from being a mother.  “You have Mad As a Hatter disease,” he told me asking how my head feels.

“It does feel like it’s spinning,” I told him seeing what appeared to be  two doctors in front of me.  He pointed out that in my case it didn’t come from mercury poisoning.  Instead, it came from reading Alice in Wonderland to the kids too many times.

“Are you uttering nonsense?” the doctor probed. “Do you feel you’ve gone mad?”

“Yes I have, according to the kids.”   He advised me to avoid tea parties and magic mushrooms.

He also said I have a rare and sinister condition called the Curse of the Finger Prick that comes from sewing too many patches on Girl Scout vests.  “You should have tried ironing on the patches,” he told me. Unfortunately, this never works and they usually fall off.  The doctor prescribed a glue gun.

I’ve tried to educate the kids about the political process and have started listening to the debates with them.  

The doctor told me that I may have foul-mouth syndrome from listening to too many Republican debates.  What’s a mother to do?   His prescription:have Pepto-Bismol on hand for the next debate.

4 thoughts on “Motherhood: It Could Be Hazardous to Your Health

  1. Anonymous says:

    That’s your best piece yet. Isn’t there a correlation between being mad and writing well or was it writing very well causes madness. Either way it’s a downward spiral

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